Page of Rods Heads Off to College

Today I pulled the PAGE OF RODS (Anna K tarot deck) to write about, which is pretty interesting since this card represents curiosity, desire to learn, and getting mentally ready for big stuff coming down the road. Pages always represent youth, and the naivety that comes with that. This doesn’t mean it’s only about someone young, but it can definitely mean a new situation or new interest. Sometimes, this can even represent a person in your life. For me, this cute curious boy is definitely my youngest son.

Many of us are sending our kids off to college, some of us this means an empty nest. That’s exactly what I’m living now, only it’s not my first year doing this. My youngest is beginning his third year far away from us. I’m telling you now, it doesn’t get any easier. Even though I sent two other children off to university before my youngest, this child chose some place farther away than the other two, and he’s my last. It feels very different to me. You’d also think I’d get better at this since it’s not my first year. Nope, that’s not the case either.

It’s a weird mix of pride and sadness when you pack your baby off for college. You know that this is a necessary step in their lives, and holding them back is not only selfish but also detrimental to their future. You know that as a mom, you’ve worked their whole lives to get them to this point…but it’s not an easy thing. High school was the beginning of learning to let go. Parents still have some control, and are still a little bit responsible for their babies. As they grow through those quick four years, you are supposed to be giving them more and more responsibility, and holding on less and less. That’s the theory anyway. You’ve equipped your child as best as you could with everything you could cram into 18 years with you. You’ve watched them fail and you’ve always been there to soften the blow and pick them up. As mom, it’s been your JOB to teach them how to be good humans, and how to take care of themselves when it’s time for them to move on….but that also means you have to teach yourself about letting go.

My youngest is probably the best equipped of my three boys because he’s been with me, watching me let his brothers go before him. In fact, when I see this card, (page of rods) I see him. He was always so curious, barely holding back his eagerness to move forward at warp speed, ready to do things his own way. He, of the three, was the most prepared to take on college life as well. I worry about him, I will always worry about him, but not in the smothering kind of way. That doesn’t change the fact that every time I see him, I still see the toddler with tears in his eyes, wanting me to pick him up and carry him. I couldn’t possibly carry him now, he’s taller than me, but that baby is still in there.

Letting go of that toddler, I mean, young college student, doesn’t mean no contact. With the loss of his older brother, he realizes that mom needs to hear from him on a more regular basis to prevent a flurry of panicked texts. Taking care of mom proactively means she leaves you alone (mostly) to do whatever it is that college kids do (I don’t want to know). I hear from him when he needs advice for cooking certain things, or sometimes he asks for NURSE mom to help him decide if he should head to the clinic or not. I also hear from him when a project went better than expected or a grade on a particularly difficult exam comes in. I love that he includes me, and I work hard to not intrude on his privacy. I learned long ago that stalking your child on social media sometimes tells you more about your own relationship with them than it ever will about them. Even though it’s tempting, don’t do it.

After you’ve said your goodbyes, you turn to their room and see their childhood left behind. Posters of favorite bands on the walls, pictures of friends, medals and trophies earned at various competitions, the letter jacket he had to have, and all the assorted clothes that no longer fit his new look. You pack these things away, knowing that the child that comes back for holidays or for summer will really only be a visitor. They will be older, changed by living on their own, and somehow bigger. I know they don’t really grow, that’s silly, but they do come back…bigger. That curious page looking over the wall at his future is past that moment now, leaving behind memories, leaping with a bravery and courage that you taught him, straight into his dreams for his future. It’s bittersweet to know that your baby has moved on and it doesn’t really include you; at least not yet. At some point, you’ll be brought back in, but in a different role, as a grandparent…and you’ll get to watch that curious page of rods start all over again.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀☀️☀️

What will your cards say? Message me for a reading or comment on this blog.