Help, as I see it

Picking a topic to blog about is always a challenge. I don’t want to bore you with just tarot stuff, but I don’t want you to see all of my crazy either! I’m trying to find a balance, so I decided I would use a tarot card drawn randomly to inspire the weekly topic. Let me go shuffle and pull a card, see what todays topic is. Be right back....

Today I pulled a 5 of pentacles. In my deck I see this as the ask for, AND ACCEPT help, card. This topic is a tough one. Those that know me well are simply shaking their heads because I’m the last one who should be talking about this. Let’s take a deeper look at this card....

Here we see a couple that appear down on their luck. It’s very cold, there’s a snow storm happening, and they’re just under a tent. It looks like he’s sacrificed and given her his coat, and they are desperately trying to get warm. I see an empty basket so maybe they are also hungry. He also doesn’t have shoes on, which can’t be all that comfortable in the snow. However, they are right next to a warm and inviting church; a building that they could shelter in and perhaps find a warm meal. Her back is to it, they’ve been there a while looking at the snow accumulation on their tent. Why haven’t they just gone inside? Why haven’t they asked for help?

This card hits home for me because I’m never one that’s going to ask for help. I don’t want to burden anyone with my issues. I’d rather die trying to do it all by myself then to seek help. I’m so stubborn that if help is offered it takes me longer than it should to accept it. If there’s a hard way to do something, that’s the way I’m going to do it, without fail, every time.

It’s not that I enjoy suffering, because I don’t. Often times I see my way, and only my way, as being the solution, which is sometimes not the best or easiest way. I also get very annoyed when this is pointed out to me. I have had to be self reliant and independent for most of my adult life, and not always by choice. My spouse has a job that takes him out of the country frequently, and is unreachable for long stretches of time, so these skills serve me well...until they don’t.

One time, I fell down the stairs...well not really, I just missed the last stair but the other way of saying it sounds more dramatic. I broke my right ankle, sheered that bump on the inside (medial malleolus) right off. I heard it, and then felt it. My kids called 911, and the fire truck came, tons of excitement for my neighbors, most of which I’d never met despite living there five years. I don’t ask for help ever and that means not meeting people outside of my bubble.

Remember I said it was my right leg? Think about that. You’re correct if you immediately thought about how I now can’t drive anywhere for a long time. I was at the mercy of cab drivers, a son who was a brand new driver, and whatever I could do on crutches. My spouse was somewhere in France, and while I was able to call him and give him the news, he was not coming home for several weeks maybe months. I was on my own.

You’d think at this point I’d be able to ask for help, or even accept help that was given. You’d be wrong. I was embarrassed. I couldn’t drive my kids to baseball and that’s what finally made me get some help, but only for baseball. I made myself miserable doing everything all by myself. I look back on this and think about all the risks I took that could have prolonged my healing, or hurt myself worse and wish I had done it all differently. I was lucky that it healed well and I have no lingering issues.

I had a heart to heart with a friend who had had enough of this crap from me. Over coffee we talked about helping others, and eventually the conversation became all about me. My friend loves me, wants the best for me, and sometimes gives me some tough love. This was one of those moments. I’d like you to think about her advice, see if it rings true for you. It changed my path.

She said stop being a selfish bitch. No one cares but you about whatever need you have to be a martyr. You need to understand that by you not accepting help when offered, you are insulting people who care about you or your boys. They wouldn’t offer if they didn’t mean it. The message you are sending is one of arrogance. You also aren’t understanding that people NEED THE CHANCE TO HELP. You are preventing people from receiving that gift that comes from helping others. You know that feeling you get when you do something for someone? When you feel like a good deed has been done, and a tally mark or gold star is achieved? Yeah, you are preventing others from receiving those blessings by being so selfish.

My jaw dropped. I’m...selfish? Then I realized that we all need each other, all of us. We need to give AND receive. It’s all part of the balance this world requires. When you keep things in balance in your life, you experience an inner peace, a harmony. Blessings happen in your life when you are balanced because you’re open to them. Essentially by not asking or accepting help I had cut myself off. My selfishness born out of not wanting to be a burden to others was hurting me.

Right now, my mindset has changed and not only do I look for opportunities where I can do random acts of kindness, I gratefully accept when they happen to me. I have reached out for help and made friends in unexpected ways. Every day is a new chance to spread a smile with a helping hand, or to take offered help with sincere gratitude.

All of this...from one card. Tarot has a deep wisdom but it comes from within yourself. What cards will be pulled for you, what will they say? Message me for a reading. Find me at MadHawk Tarot on Facebook or reach out by the contact form below. (Or comment on this blog and I’ll reach out to you.)

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